It's Friday

A lot’s been happening to me lately.

My Origami business has folded, so to make ends meet, I’ve been working in a mitten factory all night. But it is exhausting work. Well, wouldn’t YOU be tired if you’d been up making glove all night?

I might open a new store. It’s a simple idea – a trough or an open box in a barn, a bit like somewhere feed for livestock is placed, with a statue of Mary and Jesus in the corner, and in the boxes would be a pile of overpriced sandwiches. I’m thinking of calling it “Pret a Manger”.

I also thought about a remake of a popular 80’s detective series, where some guy goes on the trail of tasty cheese. But someone beat me to it – The Rocquefort Files.

I was lonely too. I even took off the “wiggly line symbol” key from my keyboard and went dancing with it. I was waltzing me tilde.

Eventually, some good luck: I won the right to inherit the back passenger seat from my Grandfather’s Harley Davison on a game show called ’Who wants to Be a Pillion Heir’.

So now I’m working for a charity helping werewolf kids called “Shave the Children”

Anyway, on the way to work I met this old woman. She asked me how old she thought she was. “144 you hag”. I said. She said, “don’t be gross”. I said “can you teach me how to do the splits?”. She said “how flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”. Finally she  says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

I then managed to lose my Nintendo DS.  I was in-console-able

I tried to cheer myself up by going to the cinema. It was a film about a magical train that takes Santas presents from the North pole, but the engine driver suddenly gets really emotional and wildly happy and suddenly depressed. I think it was called The Bipolar Express.

I should guessed things would end up like this. When I was at school people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion.

But somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.

Posted by David Artiss

Enterprise Happiness Engineer for the WordPress VIP team at Automattic. Gamer, film lover and general fan of all things Marvel, Star Trek and Star Wars. Failed comedian. Writer for The Big Tech Question. World's Greatest Grandma.

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