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A lot’s been happening to me lately.

My Origami business has folded, so to make ends meet, I’ve been working in a mitten factory all night. But it is exhausting work. Well, wouldn’t YOU be tired if you’d been up making glove all night?

I might open a new store. It’s a simple idea – a trough or an open box in a barn, a bit like somewhere feed for livestock is placed, with a statue of Mary and Jesus in the corner, and in the boxes would be a pile of overpriced sandwiches. I’m thinking of calling it “Pret a Manger”.

I also thought about a remake of a popular 80’s detective series, where some guy goes on the trail of tasty cheese. But someone beat me to it – The Rocquefort Files.

I was lonely too. I even took off the “wiggly line symbol” key from my keyboard and went dancing with it. I was waltzing me tilde.

Eventually, some good luck: I won the right to inherit the back passenger seat from my Grandfather’s Harley Davison on a game show called ’Who wants to Be a Pillion Heir’.

So now I’m working for a charity helping werewolf kids called “Shave the Children”

Anyway, on the way to work I met this old woman. She asked me how old she thought she was. “144 you hag”. I said. She said, “don’t be gross”. I said “can you teach me how to do the splits?”. She said “how flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”. Finally she  says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

I then managed to lose my Nintendo DS.  I was in-console-able

I tried to cheer myself up by going to the cinema. It was a film about a magical train that takes Santas presents from the North pole, but the engine driver suddenly gets really emotional and wildly happy and suddenly depressed. I think it was called The Bipolar Express.

I should guessed things would end up like this. When I was at school people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion.

But somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.