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David Mitchell.

Michael McIntyre.

Now… Seth MacFarlane.

Yes, apparently I’m supposed to look like the creator of Family Guy and, it would seem, one of the most powerful men in Hollywood.

Anybody? Anybody?

No, I don’t get it either.

The latest version of IE8 is “release candidate 1”. But what exactly is a “release candidate”? I’ve been working as a professional IT developer for nearly 20 years and have only recently become aware of it.

A quick Google shows Microsoft using it for Windows XP Service Pack 2, but I’m struggling to find anything before then.

Wikipedia defines a Release Candidate as “a version with potential to be a final product, ready to release unless fatal bugs emerge.” This all seems a bit woolly to me, as it sounds like a final release. There are clear definitions of Alpha and Beta releases, but this doesn’t seem to fit properly. A Beta is clearly a release that you allow customers to try to get rid of any problems before a final release. So where does a Release Candidate fit into this?

Microsoft itself defines it as “at a stage in the development process where it is ready to be evaluated by users while it undergoes final testing.” Evaluted by users? Final testing? Surely that makes it a Beta.

Personally I never really became aware of RC’s (as I’ll now call it, to save all that typing) until Microsoft started using them. I’m not saying they invented the term but I certainly think they’ve made it fashionable. But, dare I suggest, they’re using it to package Betas as something different. Imagine if IE8 was released as a third or fourth Beta. It wouldn’t sound too good that it’s taken 3 or 4 releases to get rid of the bugs in their software. But name it as an RC and you can maybe get away with it.

For Vista, Microsoft even referred to early Beta releases as “Community Technology Previews” (CTPs). A ponsy name for masking what was, however you name it, a Beta release. Others called then “pre-Betas” (if they were, they were Alpha releases, which should have been internal testing). That meant that they only had to release 2 Betas, even though a number of CTPs had been released prior to this. Sounding familiar? Not surprisingly, the two Vista Betas were followed up by two Release Candidates.

Microsoft is fooling no-one. Personally, I’d like then to call them Betas, which is what they are. Somehow, though, I can’t imagine it happening.

Pick up any PC magazine these days and you’ll find it includes an article about speeding up Windows. And because of the popularity of netbooks, they are more often referring to XP in preference to Vista.

The only problem is that most of these articles get it wrong.

The solution to a slow Windows is not to start switching off functionality. Most people are referring to these articles because their existing system has got slower and slower over time. Why should you then have to switch off Windows functionality to restore the speed you once had?

But before I get started, I’ll share one tip with you. Every year I wipe my hard drive and rebuild Windows from scratch. No, that’s not technically right, as I only do this once. Here’s what to do..

1. Reinstall Windows. This is a good time to ensure your backup strategy works as it will accurately recreate the pain of, say, your hard drive crashing.
2. Install all the appropriate Service Packs and most important applications (those that are unlikely to change and don’t have regular updates – your office applications, for instance).
3. Make all the changes to Windows settings that you require (look and feel-style settings).
4. Don’t copy your documents or anything else personal that you’ve backed up.
5. Now, use image copying software to create a backup of the entire disk at is currently it.

So, every year you can rebuild your PC with the image you created – all you have to do is re-install the rest of your applications (another tip here – keep a spreadsheet of the applications you have installed along with links to where they can be downloaded) and your documents.

Actually, I’ll share another tip with you. Ignore most of what you read about improving XP performance. Most of it involves changing system settings and even modifying the registry – the pagefile, cache settings, network all come in for a good recommendation. Sadly, the vast majority of the advice is rubbish. If it was true 3 service packs down the line, don’t you think Microsoft would have made the change itself? Indeed, researching for this post I came across a prolific Microsoft employee (assuming he wasn’t bogus) who posts on sites debunking most of these myths.

So, what does work? Well, there are various ways for ensuring your PC remains at its peek of efficiency (or, at least, the best you’ll be able to). I do these once a month but the timing is up to you – if you’re getting a lot of problems fixed each time you run it, it may indicate that a more regular approach may be required.

1. Uninstall software. As well as using disk space many will be running components in the background that will be slowing your computer down. Sounds obvious, but go through the list of installed programs and remove any that you simply aren’t using. Use JavaRa to remove old copies of Java.
2. Make sure your software and drivers are up-to-date – these updates will often be more efficient and, even if not, are generally of an advantage to have. There is lots of software out there for checking whether software is up-to-date – FileHippo is my favourite – but I’d advice avoiding any that update drivers as I’ve only ever had problems from these (the type of problems that normally involve blue screens and system restores).
3. Run CCleaner – not just the main cleaner but the registry cleaner as well (make sure you back up your registry before running this). This will clear down any redundant files from your file system and registry. I’ve tried other similar programs but have often found them to have damaged the registry – CCleaner has never done this to me.
4. Use CCleaner to review and modify which programs are run during startup (click on Tools and then Startup). If you’re not sure what a program does, simply Google it.
5. Uninstalled programs often leave empty folders behind – use Remove Empty Directories to suggest and, alternatively, remove empty folders.
6. Now you’ve got your PC as clean and crap-free as possible, you will need to defragment it. File fragments are created as ever-expanding files are split into different parts so that they can be slotted onto your hard drive. Defragmenting will put all the files back together and make them quicker to access. Some defragmentation programs can even more the files around on your hard drive so that they are more efficiently accessed (e.g. some parts of the hard drive spin quicker than others, so putting regularly accessed files in these faster areas will improve performance).
7. Defragment your PC using JkDefrag. Its default settings will be just fine, but will only work on your main system drive. If you have others you’ll need to investigate the parameters that can be passed to the program. This is a superb program, not very easy on the eye and not overly user-friendly, but it does its job incredibly well. It even comes with a screensaver option that will defragment your drive when the computer is not in use.
8. Now run PageDefrag – this will defragment locked page files (these are files that are used as “virtual” memory)
9. Lastly, run RegDefrag. Like your file system your registry can do with the occasionally clean, especially if CCleaner has been busy with it!

And that should be it. If you still have speed issues after all this then think about how much more software (and hardware) you’ve installed since it was a bit more speedy. It could be hardware to blame – running a regular benchmarking program might highlight problems. Otherwise, you may have got to the stage where you hardware simply can’t cope with your current build – memory is usually the quickest way to improve this situation (not just more memory, but quicker memory).

A computer disk containing the details of 2,000 members of the British Council has been lost.

But wait… it’s alright this time. A spokesman said…

The data on the disk was compressed using a proprietary algorithm

Compressed? Not encryped? Who uses a proprietary compression routine?

Furthermore, it is not an ordinary CD-ROM or DVD, but an optical disk that can only be read by a particular type of reader with a specific version of specialist software.

No, it probably is an “ordinary” CD-ROM or DVD (and odd that they don’t seem to know which type it is) but they’ve just formatted it using some specialist software.

This software is no longer manufactured and cannot be purchased.

In other words, “we purchased some software that nobodies heard of and now it’s no longer made”.

These precautions ensure that the data is extremely secure in the unlikely event that the disk should fall into the wrong hands

What tot. Personally I think he’s got his facts wrong – for example, I suspect he is talking about the disk being encrypted rather than compressed – but if he’s not all he’s admitting that they’ve made wrong choices with their software and compress rather than encrypt their software. There’s nothing to stop somebody from working out the compression system, and nothing to say that none of the data can’t be read easily (compression doesn’t mean the information is hidden).

And why all the bizarre disk formatting and compression? Why are they sending personal details on disks in the post? Why aren’t they just using a strong encryption system is they are? These are the questions that really need asking.