Fred The Fish

Written by my good self, on 4th June 1993. I’m also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

I once knew a fish
His name was Fred
I loved him so dearly
I took him to bed

But poor old fish
The bed was dry
He needed moisture
And eventually died

I bought a new fish
His name was banana
What I didn’t know
Was that he was a piranha

I loved him also
I bedded him too
But while I was asleep
He began to chew

He chewed off my arms
My legs and my feet
When I awoke
I admitted defeat

He took over my life
Bossed me about
If I did anything wrong
He began to shout

I began to hate him
I hatched a plot
I wanted him dead
I wanted him shot

Using my teeth
I held a twelve bore
Squeezing the trigger
Banana was no more

The moral of this story
Off the top of my head
Is love your pets
But don’t take them to bed

Talk to me!

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