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Written by my good self, on 4th June 1993. I’m also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

I once knew a fish
His name was Fred
I loved him so dearly
I took him to bed

But poor old fish
The bed was dry
He needed moisture
And eventually died

I bought a new fish
His name was banana
What I didn’t know
Was that he was a piranha

I loved him also
I bedded him too
But while I was asleep
He began to chew

He chewed off my arms
My legs and my feet
When I awoke
I admitted defeat

He took over my life
Bossed me about
If I did anything wrong
He began to shout

I began to hate him
I hatched a plot
I wanted him dead
I wanted him shot

Using my teeth
I held a twelve bore
Squeezing the trigger
Banana was no more

The moral of this story
Off the top of my head
Is love your pets
But don’t take them to bed