As the world’s (very unofficial) most carnivorous person, it would be a cold day in hell that I’d become vegetarian, right? Well, get the blankets and fire extinguisher out as I’m nearly (but not totally) there. A couple of weeks ago I became tee-total and, starting next week, I’ll be nearly vegetarian. Let me explain…

Let’s tackle that tee-totalness. I hardly ever drink, mainly just the odd drink socially now. However, even the odd one now makes me feel a bit “off”, which doesn’t make it worth it. So, as of the week of the company meetup (where drink is often imbibed), I’ve given up alcohol entirely.

Now, to that vegetarianism. I’d love to say it’s for environmental or animal rights issues. But it’s not. It’s for health reasons. I have an un-diagnosed (but, God only knows my Doctor and local hospital has tried) medical problem, which causes me enormous pain, and is thought to be a digestive problem. As a result, I’ve reduced my intake of red-meat, cheese and bread and I’ve not had many reoccurrences (but some near misses). But, it’s not enough as my will-power is not strong enough. I go out and I end up at a burger place and have the biggest slab of red meat you can imagine. Next day I could be unwell as a result.

So, if I can’t be trusted to be sensible, it’s best to just remove the temptation entirely –  rather than leaving it to myself to regulate the meat intake, I intend to just cut it out entirely. Except fish. That doesn’t affect me and is a healthy addition to my remaining diet.

I’m a pescatarian then? Kind of. I’m not getting rid of meat to the point of not eating Haribo because it has meat-based gelatine in it. If it wasn’t for the fish exception I’d be a flexitarian. As it is, I’m more a flexi-pescetarian.

How will I cope? Well, thankfully there are a lot of good meat-substitutes on the market (I even like Quorn bacon) and I was very surprised just how good a visit to a vegan restaurant was recently – food really has moved on since the resort of having to eat a “nut cutlet”. McDonalds could be fun though.

My one exception to all of this? Christmas. I can’t imagine not having turkey.